When given the chance to anonymously admit to their regret for having kids, many parents shared their stories. Their reasons are varied, and they love their children, but they know they didn’t make the best decision for themselves.

These parents are in a lose-lose situation: the parents themselves struggle in isolation to provide the basics and to feel fulfilled, and the children struggle to get what they deserve. So what’s the alternative?

Imagine a system where adults are encouraged (through tangible benefits like tax incentives and through a shift in society’s thinking about children) not to have children until they are truly ready. And when they are ready, they can work together with other parents (through things like small family trusts) to invest more in each child. And if they choose not to have children but instead decide to help other people’s kids, their philanthropy is welcomed.

These parents’ admissions of regret suggest that we need to look for alternatives to our current system. The Having Kids model can help.